It takes one to know one.
We have heard that a thousand times. We have probably said it nearly as many. Often, these clichés are taken lightly and not even examined. They are so overused that when we hear them we immediately recognize them as borrowed philosophy. However, maybe we should take a second look at some of these clichés when they come through our ears. When you really think about the meat of this message, it gets much deeper and contains a lot of truth. In order for us to recognize a fault in someone else we must first recognize it within ourselves. Even that sounds cliché, I know. However, really think about that. Understand it. It is very, very true. If we do not know how to lie, how can we spot a liar? If we do not have a capacity for violence, how do we recognize a violent person? If we have never experienced fear, how can we see that someone is scared? Anything we notice about others we must have first noticed about ourselves thought we may not be honest with ourselves about many of these flaws. We have probably all recognized that those that accuse others are often guilty of what they accuse others for. Think about relationships. It is a commonly accepted idea that cheaters are often insecure about their partner and accuse them of cheating. I have witnessed this personally on multiple occasions. Yet another example of this logic can be found in serial killers. More than once police forces have consulted serial killers in efforts to capture other serial killers and often with success. There is even a popular movie from the 1990’s about this very occurrence. So then, why is this relevant and what is the practical use of this information? For starters, this allows us a window into ourselves. If you find yourself constantly noticing certain flaws in others, maybe you should consider some looking inward and being honest with yourself. Secondly, this allows us a bit of peace when someone is pointing out our flaws. Try as we may to surround ourselves with uplifting people, there will inevitably be a time when someone highlights your flaws. They may do this out of friendship and care or they may do it maliciously in an attempt to harm. Their reasoning matters a little bit less when you realize that in order to recognize your fault they have to contain that same fault within themselves even if they are unaware. With the understanding of this we can be a little more forgiving (or at least forgetting) of people when they judge us. Also, we can be receptive to sound judgment when it is offered. This is possibly the most crucial point of all of this. When someone judges us truthfully, we must learn to embrace it. Even when the judgement is hurtful, we must recognize truth. Often, we reject judgment due to the person offering it. We tell ourselves, “Who are they to highlight my flaws while they have their own?” Of course they have flaws. They must have or at least used to have had the very flaws they have accused us of having. Even a liar can tell the truth and even a bad person can expose a need for improvement within ourselves. We must learn to accept good judgement and not be offended by it. This, of course, does not excuse unnecessarily rude behavior. There is a proper way to do things. If someone is exceedingly hurtful in their presentation or obviously trying to harm you then you do not have to accept that behavior even if you accept their judgment as true. One can expose an issue without being hurtful. That does not mean that the information presented won’t be painful as the truth is at times. It is painful to realize one’s own failures and shortcomings. We must learn not to let the pain of realizing our own faults be projected on to others. If someone offers sound judgment without trying to hurt you, there is no reason to be offended at them. Only those that truly care for you are willing to risk upsetting you to tell you the truth. A fake friend will allow you to linger in ignorance while the true ones expose and illuminate our ignorance to help us overcome it. Do not be angry at them. This is what friends are REALLY for and for those seeking Self Mastery, such judgment from close friends is imperative as we are not always honest with ourselves. We should not shy away from these types of people but flock together with them so that we can judge one another and subsequently increase one another. Objectivity should be welcomed as we keep in mind that those judging us must contain the same flaws within themselves.
2 Comments
Carl
8/30/2016 04:58:58 pm
Not the case unfortunately. The example of violence shows it well. The violent will assume others always harbor violence for they know it always lies within them, yet violence is all about inflicting upon others. One need not be violent to receive violence.
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8/31/2016 07:31:26 am
I believe you have missed the mark intended but only by a hair. Of course one does not have to be violent to receive violence. However, the point was that in order to recognize violent tendencies within someone else, one must recognize the capacity for such within themselves, even if they do not know it or act upon such capacities. That was the point being made. This does not justify violence. This does not indicate that all of us are the same but rather that all of us have the same capacities. This should be self-explanatory.
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